As parents we all want the best for our children in everything we provide – whether we want them to receive an excellent education, enjoy healthy food, wear nice clothes or have good friends, ultimately, the underlying factor of all these parenting goals is that we want our children to be happy. While there are many aspects that contribute towards a child’s happiness we’re highlighting a few of the common threads that seem to feature across various resources on the topic. Here are a few thoughts on paving the way to raising kids who are H-A-P-P-Y:
H - Healthy Connections
We all want our children to grow up to love and be loved, to be good human beings and feel accepted and appreciated. This begins at home. As your child’s first connection, your relationship is good grounding for developing future relationships with other family members, friends, teachers and any other people, or animals, they connect with. Feeling loved unconditionally within the family and accepted socially goes a long way towards a child’s emotional well-being and happiness.
“The best way to make children good, is to make them happy” Oscar Wilde
A – Accountability
Bob Murray, PhD, author of Raising an Optimistic Child: A Proven Plan for Depression-Proofing Young Children for Life says that "Happiness depends largely on the feeling that what we do matters and is valued by others." Assigning household responsibilities and affirming that your child offers a valuable contribution to the functioning of the family fosters a sense of self-worth that contributes towards her happiness. Whether it is helping set the table or entertaining a younger sibling while you cook dinner, every child can be given accountability for a role in the family according to their unique capabilities.
P – Praise
Recognition from parents a can make all the difference in a child’s self-esteem and overall emotional state. It is however important to practice genuine praise rather than cheering on auto-pilot for every action. It’s also important to be aware of directing praise wisely. If a child is praised only when they excel, they risk having their self-esteem based on winning. Allow your child to learn the value of failure as well as success, encourage them to work towards enhancing their skills, not working for praise.
"Praise the effort rather than the result," Murray advises. "Praise the creativity, the hard work, the persistence, that goes into achieving, more than the achievement itself." Also remember to praise kindness, and character traits, not only achievements.
On the other side of this is forgiveness. Because as much as your child is going to win your praise effortlessly, so too are they going to make mistakes. They need to know they have their parents’ unconditional love and support, even when they mess up, and to know that they will receive loving guidance to right their wrongs.
“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” Harold Hulbert
P –Play
Life has become so rushed and children are spending more time catching up with homework or if they do have some free time, they’re perched in front of the TV or playing games on tablets. Children need to play – they are born with an innate desire to explore the world around them. It is important for their physical, mental, emotional and social development to have unstructured free time to pursue the things they enjoy. Remember when you used to build your forts, cross shark infested waters and slay dragons… all from the safety of your backyard? Do you remember how happy and free you felt? Our children need to feel that sense of being master of their own time and play.
Y - Your Happiness
Happy parents are ahead on the home stretch towards raising happy children. Let your children see you nurturing your own happiness, doing what you love, taking time to rest and look after yourself. Encourage optimism by being optimistic, promote happiness by being happy. We can make every effort to ensure our children are happy, but if they see us miserable and moping about, they are more than likely to pick up on our moods and mimic us in their outlook on life.
“Children close their ears to advice, but open their eyes to example” Amish Proverb
Article Author: Deirdré Gower
Resources:
Parents.com – Raising Happy Children
